Ol' Dirty 2014

Update: see below for a video I shot during the ride.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from organising cycling events with Andy van Bergen of Hells 500 and riding in the ones he’s organised, it’s that he doesn’t do things by halves. He’ll take any opportunity he can to go above and beyond what people expect of him and his rides, all to create that wow factor. I knew the lengths Andy had gone to in pulling Ol’ Dirty together on Sunday, and yet I was still blown away by the vision and the execution.

In previous years the event was known as Donna Done Dirty with the ride taking us up the unsealed side of the Mt. Donna Buang climb. But this time around, the plan was to do something a little different; to take riders on roads and trails they almost certainly hadn’t ridden before. The Donna Buang climb would be left out, but in its place were a whole host of great, quiet roads and a bunch of very challenging unsealed climbs.

I had a number of people come up to me on Sunday and thank me for helping to put the ride together and while I was more than happy to take credit for Andy and his family’s hard work, the reality is my involvement was minimal. I helped get a few permits together and that was it.


I rocked up to Warburton’s Cog Cafe early on Sunday morning to the sound of ’90s hip hop blasting to the waiting crowd. The name “Ol’ Dirty” was a reference to the nature of the course — almost entirely unsealed with plenty of muddy sections — but it was more than that; a reference to rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard, whose tunes could be heard at the start and whose nickname appeared as the name of the mid-ride pop-up cafe. More on that soon.

At the starting village riders queued up to get an embrocation rub down and collect their goodies (including a pair of limited edition Ol’ Dirty socks) before Andy kicked things off with a short briefing. And then we were off, heading down the Lilydale-Warburton Rail Trail towards Milgrove where we jumped on to Dee Road.

I knew there was a bit of a climb to get to the O’Shannassy Aqueduct Trail but the steep ramps of Dee Road were a rude awakening. I tried to find a comfortable rhythm, knowing that there was plenty of tough climbing to come later in the ride, but even still it was a relief to get to the top and to look out over the great views from the Aqueduct Trail.


Until our recent ride up to the snow of Mt. Donna Buang I’d never ridden the O’Shannassy Aqueduct and Sunday’s ride was just the second time along there (albeit in the opposite direction). It’s a beautiful little bit of trail that runs right alongside an aqueduct on the lower slopes of Mt. Donna Buang. In reality I had little time to appreciate its beauty because with a bit of rain the night before, riding the trail was quite technically challenging.

I was riding my road bike with 25mm Challenge Strada tyres and even though I’d underinflated them compared to what I would on tarmac, I still found handling to be challenging. The many tight corners were nervewracking to negotiate, the back wheel seeming keen to slip out at any opportunity.

Many riders ran into mechanical difficulty on the trail — I saw at least three riders with broken derailleurs, presumably from sticks that had flicked up and gotten wedged. There were also plenty of punctures, and I even heard about one guy who ended up in the aqueduct after coming off at one point. Unlucky, but hilarious.

Riding along the O'Shannassy Aqueduct Trail.
Riding along the O’Shannassy Aqueduct Trail.

I got through the roughly 15km aqueduct trail sector unscathed and turned on to the first of the gravel roads of the day. I knew that we were headed to the forested areas south east of Warburton but none of the roads we were on were familiar to me.

Thankfully, Andy had gone to the trouble of creating bright pink directional signage cards to place throughout the route. These were excellent — there wasn’t a single point on the 66.8km ride where I felt like I was off track or even unsure about which way to go.

In addition to simple left and right directional signs, Andy had prepared signs that warned of imminent danger (such as at dangerous bridge crossings) and signs that provided a simple reminder that we were still on track.


After a brief section on the Warburton-Woods Point Road, we turned right and started to work our way south into the bush. There were a couple of climbs of one or two kilometres just after the turn-off, providing a nice taste of what lay ahead.

Having seen the route map before the ride I knew there was a fair bit of climbing to contend with in the second half of the ride. While it felt like the climbing was sustained for quite a while after the halfway mark, looking at the profile of the ride I can now see that there was a little over 10km of sustained climbing at an average gradient of 6%. That’s a solid climb on sealed roads, let alone on dirt.

Perhaps it didn’t feel as long as that because there was a section in the middle there that was considerably harder than the rest. For 2km the road averaged 10%, with several ramps quite a bit steeper than that.

I’m familiar with the feeling of the back wheel spinning out when you’re climbing a steep grade out of the saddle, but I’d never felt that wheel spin while seated. That’s what happened in that steep section — with the road slick and muddy from overnight rain (and from plenty of cyclists passing through before me) it was hard to find traction. I had to keep my weight as far back as I could on the saddle, while still trying to push enough power through the pedals to keep moving. My Garmin spent plenty of time reading 6km/h in that section, but I managed to get through it without stopping.


Just around the corner from the top of the steep section was a drinks stop and an ultimatum for all riders — should we take the high road (a ridiculously steep-looking 4WD track off to our right) or the low road (a more manageable climb to the left)?

Having been battling illness over the past few weeks and just wanting to get through the ride in one piece, I opted for the low road. Apparently something like 70% of riders took the high road. Impressive.

The climbing continued for another 3.5km at 6.3% but it felt comfortable and manageable compared to the steep ramps of the previous section.

Brave riders take "the high road".
Brave riders take “the high road”.

At the top of the climb — the highest point of the day at 830m above sea level — we’d covered 41.8km and it was just 6km of undulating roads to the lunch stop at Starlings Gap.

As challenging as the climbs were on the day, it was probably the descents I found hardest. With slick corners and more than a few mud puddles to dodge, it was often a case of trying to find the firmest line through a corner and just hoping that the bike stayed upright.

Variable road surfaces also contributed to the challenge. If we weren’t dodging potholes or tree branches it was big rocks that presented a real danger of pinch-flatting. But, the advantage of taking quiet, dirt backroads — besides the opportunity to explore roads we’d never seen before — was the fact that there was so little traffic to deal with. I think I probably came across half a dozen cars for the entire ride. Gotta love that.

Another challenging descent looms.
Another challenging descent looms.

Rolling into the lunch stop was one of the real highlights of the ride. I knew quite a lot of what Andy had planned and I was still blown away. I can only imagine what it must have been like rounding that corner and seeing a makeshift cafe set-up in the middle of the bush if I hadn’t been expecting it.

Hip hop tunes rang out through the trees as Andy’s terrific volunteers (family, friends and more) wandered through the throng of riders, passing out lunch: delicious hot dogs with all the trimmings, courtesy of the fine folks at Rockwell & Sons. There were homemade doughnuts and cookies, and coffee to wash it all down.

It was all delicious — and more than welcome after an energy-sapping ride to that point — but more impressive was the amount of effort Andy and his crew had put in to make it all happen. A makeshift cafe setting with milk-crate chairs and menu cards, two generators to power the hot-dog warmers, and even a photo wall courtesy of Nigel Welch, featuring photos taken at the start of the ride just a few hours earlier. Brilliant.


From Starlings Gap it was less than 20km back to Warburton, and mostly downhill. It was great getting to enjoy those “free” kilometres as we rolled back towards town, but again the descent proved technically challenging.

In addition to the slippery corners and the ever present threat of a rock-induced puncture, a few damaged sections of road had been “repaired” by dumping railway rocks on them. These fist-sized rocks would have slowed cars down, let alone road bikes with 25mm tyres.

It was a case of inching our way through them cautiously, lest we suffer a puncture or worse.

One of several nerve-wracking rockbeds.
One of several nerve-wracking rockbeds.

But I got through it unscathed and enjoyed as much of the descent as I could. At around Pats Creek we returned to sealed roads for the first time in what felt like forever; a welcome relief.

The run back into Warburton on Riverside Drive was a lovely way to end the day. The sun was out, the end was in sight, and after battling rough and challenging roads all day it was nice to be able to stretch the legs and get some value for our pedal strokes.

I rolled back into Warburton having taken about 3 hours 40 minutes to cover the 66.8km of riding — an average speed of roughly 18km/h.

Riverside Drive: a lovely way to end the ride.
Riverside Drive: a lovely way to end the ride.

It was certainly a more challenging ride than the distance would suggest. Dirt roads make it hard enough, but when you’ve got steep and sustained climbs to deal with — not to mention challenging and technical descents — it’s always going to be slow going. But it was a lot of fun.

I was particularly pleased to get through the day without any sort of mechanical issue at all. I’d, naively, only take one spare tube with me and it was only after the ride that I realised how lucky I was.

I heard of one guy who had six punctures on the day, several people that had four, and I’m guessing a fair percentage of people had at least one. And then there were the ripped tyres, broken derailleurs and more that ended many a rider’s day.

One of many mechanical incidents throughout the day, this one on the O'Shannassy Aqueduct Trail.
One of many mechanical incidents throughout the day, this one on the O’Shannassy Aqueduct Trail.

I’d like to say a big thank-you to Andy and his ever-impressive support crew for another fantastic day out. Thanks too to everyone that came up and said hi during the day, and to those that rode with me throughout the day. It was great to have some company and to meet some new people on a great day out.

From here my attention turns to Amy’s Gran Fondo in mid September and, on Sunday September 21, the 2014 Melbourne Dirty Dozen. I’ll have more information about the ride in the coming days (including how to buy your ticket), but until then feel free to join the Facebook event page.

And looking a little further ahead Andy and I are hard at work getting the Domestique 7 Peaks Series up and running for 2014/15. We’re just days away from confirming the dates and we hope you’ll be able to join us.

Thanks for reading!

Click here to see my ride on Strava.

21 Replies to “Ol' Dirty 2014”

  1. Thank You to all those involved in organising such a spectacular event. I met many great people, who were up for a chat, stopping when I punctured and generally making you feel welcome. Your Mob definitely have the gift of adventure and hospitality.

    Best day on the bike for some time.

    Can’t make it to Dirty Dozen, but will definitely make the Domestique Series a priority.

    Keep up the good work!

  2. What a great day. Well worth the drive across from Daylesford. One thing the Strava details don’t show was the mental exhaustion from trying to pick lines in the dirt / mud especially on the descent. I actually got cramps in my hands from being on the anchors for so long. Fantastic support crews at the lunch stop with great food and encouragement. Still can’t believe my Veloflex gum walls made it through that ride with no punctures.

  3. Thanks for riding with us for awhile, Matt. It was a shame I blew up after the climbing got steeper, and I couldn’t keep traction at all on my 23s.

    Every time I see more pictures from the day, it makes me want to go out and do the ride again. Can’t wait for next year.

  4. Great event. Really sorry I missed it. Do you have a detailed map or something so we can ride it on the weekend?

  5. Thanks Matt for a great write up. The story and photos really capture the day and how challenging it was. In fact, it was only that evening and the next day that I realised how hard it was because my body was telling me so! This was my first Hells 500 ride, and having ridden a number of organised recreational rides, this is the best I’ve done. So well done to all who made the ride happen. cheers, Gavin

  6. Hey Andy, Matt and all the fantastic helpers. What a fun filled adventure! 4 of us had a ball on our road bikes. Even 8 punctures between us didn’t dampen our spirits cos eventually we had the smiling face & friendly help of John VS in the beaut ute with the track pump (yea!!) to assist us. A bit too much “letting rip” on the downhills perhaps??
    Having run many dirt bike & mountain bike events over the years (even at national level in NZ) I have a bit of an idea of just how much work went into Sunday to provide us with a brilliant day out. Your choice of terrain was absolutely spot on, providing just the right balance of challenge & rideability. Signage; perfect. Support crew were so good & such fun.
    Paddy with his shot of vodka for us before the “high road” was a hoot.
    All n all a huge THANK YOU for a top day out on the roadie.
    Cheers Kevin.

  7. I had a great time at the DDD’13 – sorry to have missed it this year – it looks like it was even BETTER than last time !

    I’m looking fwd to the Domestique series – just gotta work off the “winter coat” before hand…

  8. What a day! I just wanted to mention that as much fun as the ride was, and as spectacular as Dirt McGirt was, these things weren’t what made the day special. The opportunity to meet a cracking group of people and talk plenty of rubbish with them was what I’ll take away from the weekend. Oh, and the bike wash was great!

  9. It sounds like it was a great day. Kudos to Andy for organising the ride.

    I’m not sure about logged forests being strangely beautiful. I’m pretty sure that Leadbeater Possums, Powerful Owls and Sooty Owls find forests that have not been logged much more beautiful.

    A proposal to create a new park called the Great Forest National Park is gaining momentum. See http://wilderness.org.au/articles/great-forest-national-park. Hopefully the next state government can be convinced that more money can be made from eco-tourism than from cutting down native forests to produce paper products.

    End greenie rant. 🙂

    1. I knew I’d cop some stick for that! I’ve removed the caption. I’d certainly rather the trees were still there, I was just surprised that it looked kinda nice with them gone.

  10. Looks and sounds like it was a cracking day had by all (except those with mechanical problems and endless flats).

    It must be said though, is it really such a good idea to be using a high-pressure water system to wash down the bikes? Great for removing mud quickly but it can also push dirt and grit into places you really don’t want it to be, particularly in and around your BB and cassette.

    A regular garden hose on moderate pressure and a good medium-bristle brush will remove the dirt and grit more effectively and save you money in the long run especially when it comes to replacing costly drive-train components.

    1. Haha Darren, I love how you are more concerned about the wash up, than taking these bikes out into these conditions in the first place! We did try using baby wipes, but that was largely ineffective..

      The quick rinse with the pressure hose was just to reduce the amount of Warburton people took back to Melbourne.

  11. Another awesome write-up Matt. Well done.

    A very special thanks to Andy and especially all the volunteers for Sunday. Best fun I’ve had in a long time!

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